"In forty years I haven't had much from this fucking existence." "It seems a bit strong to me as an outlet, Ste." "It's the truth, you know I have no qualms about saying it, it's a matter of intellectual honesty." "Are you saying I'm dishonest?" "Here, you see: you are acting like most people. Come on, it's not about you that I was talking about, fuck, be good". "First of all, you're still alive." "If we wanted to settle for being alive, we would see it from a very low perspective. Yet there are friends who are no longer with us, so okay, okay, it's a sensible consideration." "You have a job." "I have a profession, it's different. And more or less fruitful collaborations". "There are those who don't have them." "But I don't live their lives, I live mine. They are independent events." "If you put it that way, then I'm leaving." "Touchy. You understand that you are my conscience." "I mean it. You do a job you love." "Do I love him? Say? Twenty years of profession, big pats on the back, and very few euros set aside, almost nothing, because it is a job with which I can hardly field ". "So you don't love him anymore?" "I'm not saying that. The passion, at the beginning, at the age of twenty, overwhelms you. Then it becomes something else." "It applies to any relationship." "If I could make fruitful, like every poor Christ, the real time invested and the holidays spent working in these twenty years, I would buy the Moon. And yet." "But you never gave a damn about money." "That's right. Good. It's not even that." "So what is it, love?" "Love? Why, does it really exist?" "You've had your stories, your falling in love, a companion for years." "You speak to the past tense." "And what time should I use?" "The present, perhaps. But there is nothing left." "You said it before: passion, at the beginning, overwhelms you. Then it becomes something else." "When you do that, I can't stand you." "I'm here on purpose." "I know. So you know no one ever really loved me. It's like work: I invested a thousand to get a hundred back." "How can it be other people's problem?" "And hell, why should it be mine alone?" "Nowhere is it written that they have to give you the same thing, be it love, money or esteem. Everyone gives according to what they have at that moment." "I don't agree, but I write it: maybe I'll put it in some novels." "Here, you said it right: writing. Your dream since you were a child". "And where did it ever take me?" "You've written a lot of things, you love doing it." "Yes, but nobody reads me, I've never reached an audience. I write for myself." "And that's not enough?" "Would you be content to masturbate for eternity?" "I don't follow you. And it embarrasses me a little." "I write because I feel the need to reach an audience. And I always try to improve myself. For years." "Great, it's the right spirit." "But it all remains for my use and consumption, it's just stroking the tummy to one's ego." "I understand, it's not enough for you." "No. I want to get out of this loneliness." "I can't help you." "So why do you keep persecuting me?" "I can't do otherwise, it's my destiny." "Nice shitty fate". "Have you ever thought you're the problem?" "Me?" "Yes, you. You keep hoping to get out of this impasse, but concretely what do you do to really get out of it?" "Well, oh my God, I'm working on myself, in every way." "True. Confirm. But you always make the same mistakes." "And that is?" "You expect others to evaluate you." "Look, I know how it is, I've been there before: if I evaluate myself I'm presumptuous, if I never evaluate myself I end up with the analyst". "You have to be aware of yourself, regardless of others, be they things or people." "You make it easy." "It's easier than you think." "You know what I'm saying?" "I'm all ears." "I think a lot about my mistakes." "You do. But it's not enough." "Pbecause I'm afraid." "Of what?" "To be a bad person. Maybe I don't really evaluate myself because I fear the result." "Fear more than legitimate, my dear." "Sometimes I'm afraid of finding myself without a conscience." "And it hurts?" "Very bad. How would you feel if this dialogue had never happened?"   "Hey!"   "Why don't you answer?"   "See. That's why sometimes I wish I wasn't even here."